So it has come to this…time on my hands (a rarity!!), which means time to reflect (woohoo!). The result is the following thoughts… creating a parallel between relationships and dancing.

For those of you who know me, my brain is wired as a person with passion for dancing (I teach dance), interest with IT (work within IT business solutions & projects), and I have this long time fascination with the human brain & behaviour (I provide life coaching). You will witness some elements within my writing below.

Before you read on, I need to define my version of what is a relationship. According to many dictionaries a relationship is “an emotional or other connection between people whether by association, involvement, blood, marriage.”.  Therefore, my belief is that a relationship starts the moment you make any form of connection. This relationship can last for a second, a day, a month, a year, a decade, or a lifetime. The reason I say this is because once a connection (of any form) is made, how I speak, react, and behave is in relation to this person.

Now for the parallel I draw between relationship and dance.  🙂

(LEGEND: Relationship = R, Dance = D)

Project Kick-Off = The Beginning!

Initiation Phase = Encounter Phase = Trial/Audition Phase

R= someone catches your eye and inspires within you an interest, enough to start a conversation and hopefully getting a phone number.

D= someone catches your eye from across the dance floor and inspires within you an interest, enough to get you to go over and hopefully dance.

Planning Phase = Dating Phase = Two Hand Hold Phase

R= conversations and outings are arranged to get to know one another, and dating begins.

D= one leads and the other is led to the dance floor which gives you a sense of what type of dancer you are engaging with, and dancing begins with two hand hold.

Development Phase = Courting Phase = Formal Frame Phase

R= trust, comfort, and greater connection develop which triggers desire to get closer emotionally & physically.

D= trust, comfort, and greater connection develop leading to dancing closer in a formal frame.

Implementation Phase = Intimate Phase = Rib Cage Phase

R= you feel this is the one for you, and are ready to move to the next level of the relationship sharing yourself completely in every way.

D= this is the one you for you, you are ready to move to the next level of connection by dancing closer to one another – rib cage to rib cage with arms wrapped around one another in full hold.

Deployment Phase = Commitment Phase = Dance Partner Phase

R= the trust, comfort, and familiarity makes for a wonderful connection – and so you commit to one another.

D= the trust, comfort, and familiarity makes for a wonderful connection – and so you dance together every chance you get.

Project Closeout = The End. 🙂


Flicker of Peace

I look at the lit candle before me

In due time he will die

Meanwhile, the flame stands high

Burning bright with pride

Proud of her own strength to glow

And the power to allow us to see

Without her we are sightless

If only you could see how she reaches up

Up further

Beyond light she’s in heat

Now heat and air intertwine dancing about

Spreading warmth

Their love

Trying to match my breath with her heat

She snakes her way


The candle slowly diminishes to his death

Willingly allows himself to be used

Watch how his heart melts for her

She’s hypnotizing

She controls my vision

As I admire the beauty of love-making

Between candle and flame


Soon, the end

The candle reaching his peak

The flame tries vigorously

To bring him back to life

Breathing into him

All her passion and desire

Then, she too weakens

She is left alone

The strong glow now a little spark in the dark

Pain and agony soon follow

The flame can no longer live without her love

Her only reason for living


The last spark has flickered out…

There is no light


I sense



-Angela S, September 1990


Patterned Love

The scars on my frail body are nothing compared to the scar that has been left inside of me. Poison flows in my veins. Blood boils endlessly, making me weak. The stings still felt on my tear-stained visage. His hand swept through me capturing my aching heart. Laughing, he just stood there, my bleeding heart clenched in his fist. No heart, no emotions. I grew numb. My actions became mechanical as my flesh became immune to torture. Flesh killing flesh. That’s what it was. Finally he left.

My next adventure – intimacy. Little girl plays in a park. Little girl finds herself alone. Little girl not alone, not anymore. Intruders invade her fantasy world and in an instance rob her of her innocence. The sweet voice we once use to hear – laughing and giggling – has suddenly vanished. The curse of silence left her voiceless. Little girl has no voice to scream, little girl has no voice to stand.

Phase three. To trust is to give yourself completely. I trusted once. The figure was to be good to me and replace the first -so I thought. There was to be no guidance. Rather, deceit. I was filled with false hopes, only to be carved to stand naked before him. No longer a girl was I, but a woman at your disposal.

The woman tried to end the chapter with a happy note and only found herself in another trap. Finally it was understood that she could not be happy or even content unless she was dominated. Taken advantage of. An addiction to force. Aggressiveness. Abuse. The only kind of security she knew. Missing these ingredients meant she was no longer needed, no longer loved…so she believed.

-Angela S, March 1992